I knew.

I knew it.
I knew it was bound to happen.

I knew that Satan was going to attack me harder than he's ever attacked before.
See, this whole entire crazy journey to San Francisco hasn't been without hang-ups and battles against it.
It'd be SO much more comfortable for me to just chill out here all summer.
But no. That's not what God's called me to do.
He's called me out of my comfort zone. And I decided that, this time, it'd be a good idea to listen (because I haven't always been so good at this).
Well, now, this jerk keeps deciding to throw kinks in everything that I do.
Who is this jerk?
It'd be Satan.
He's been a jerk for the past 2 weeks or so.
And to be honest, Satan, I AM SICK OF YOUR MESS.
I've questioned a lot of things. Like, for instance, am I even supposed to be going to San Francisco?
But I know that God has called me there. I have no clue why He's done it. But I have to trust Him.
Why the heck have I been through half the crap I've been through this year?
I don't know. I know sin led to part of it. but still, why did it have to happen like it did? it hurt more than anything I've ever known.
I know God's gonna use it. I have no clue how. But I have to trust Him.

You see, when someone violates your trust, it becomes increasingly hard to trust someone else. It even becomes hard to trust God. Christians have a tendency to thrust their negative emotions onto God. It's not pretty and it's not something most Christians will 'fess up to, but it's the truth.
So, sometimes, it's really hard for me to trust God. REALLY hard.
To be honest, sometime I think God is kinda crazy. Of course, this tends to be when I don't have on my God-goggles (stole this from Parker Hayden, who stole it from his mama) strapped onto my eyes, but still. When I'm not looking at everything through the eyes of my Abba, things just look a little bit insane.

So where am I going with this? I'm not 100% sure (and unless I'm writing about a specific event, I never am sure with what I'm saying). But here's my prayer:

Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me your arms for the broken hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach
Give me you heart for the ones forgotten
Give me your eyes so I can see

(I actually wrote this post a week or 2 ago...things have still been rough, but thank the Savior for sweet encouragement from Godly friends!)